August 26, 1776.
IT has been an observation, no less true than common, that the English are the greatest dupes of novelty and deception under the sun; and however absurd and inconsistent the publication of any matter or subject may be, if there is the least plausibility in the tale, or suitableness in the application, no people will swallow the bait with less reluctance, or proclaim its excellence with greater zeal. To be an object of credulity in matters merely indifferent, will frequently afford just grounds for censure, and the consequences may not be very great: but when the most precious thing we possess is liable to sustain material injury, if not be effectually ruined, it becomes a subject too serious for burlesque, and too important to trifle with. I am led, Sir, into these reflections from an affair in which I lately engaged; and that, not to satiate any private picque, or to gratify a vain and idle curiousity, but for the real advantage of the community, many of whose lives are by much too valuable to society for reflecting persons to see them daily murdered by Empirics from almost every quarter, and remain silent witnesses of the dreadful facts.
Having been assured by several of my friends, that the famous Dr. M. prescribed for many of his patients with little or no judgment[sic]; but more particularly, having read a late pamphlet by Dr. Lettsom, intitled, “Observations preparatory to the Use of Dr. M’s. Medicines, &c.” I was induced to make an experiment to try the Doctor’s skill and knowledge; with this fixed and candid resolution, that if he discovered the deception, or afforded me any reason to believe he was a man of abilities, and acquainted, in any measure, with the Materia Medica, I would immediately publish his fame, and vindicate his character against every false calumniator; and especially from the many aspersions contained in the above cited publication: but, alas! I was totally prevented in my benevolent design towards the Doctor, by his manifest ignorance and consummate assurance. After I had waited a considerable time in an appartment adjacent to the Doctor’s, amidst a croud[sic] of unhappy deluded objects, many of whose cases called forth my commiseration, and excited all those feelings of humanity with which Providence may, in some degree, have blessed me, I was ushered in to the Doctor by his door-porter, who converses with the patients (previous to their admission into the presence chamber) with little less freedom, and with much less modesty, than his master. However, being thus introduced, I stepped forward and presented the sagacious Doctor with my phial, which contained no other than the urine of a young gelding. He looked at it with much seeming attention, and turning round, enquired whose water it was; instead of giving him a direct answer to the question, I told him I came from my wife: this response, which by no means would have been deemed satisfactory to a cautious physician, well satisfied this water Doctor, who, very significantly shaking his head, and drawing up his shoulders, cried, with a kind of transport at his intuitive knowledge, Oh! I did think it was a Lady’s water - it be no good - she be very bad. - Upon which the following conversation and particulars ensued:
| Patient. | What do you think is her complaint, Doctor? |
| Doctor. | It be, Sir, - it be a disorder in her womb - her womb - her - her womb be somewhat affected - she have a pain across her loins - she be very bad - I do see she be very bad. |
| Patient. | The water seems very clear, Doctor, don't it? |
| Doctor. | Ah! Ah! It look so to you, but I do see - I do see a slime upon the kidneys - she be very sick at the stomach - she have a pain in her head, and in her limbs. - Has she had many children? |
| Patient. | Two, Doctor. |
| Doctor. | Her pains in labour be very bad - be they not? |
| Patient. | Why, Doctor, I think all women say labour pains be very bad, I cannot speak experiectia deast(??). |
| Doctor. | No! No! No! - Your wife’s temper be much affected by her disorder - it make her very peevish - very fretful - passionate - every little ting[sic] - (here he paused, and gazed once more on the gelding’s urine, and turning round, cried) every little ting[sic], I see, puts her in a passion - Does it not? |
| Patient. | Why, Dotor, she is as most women are, not always in the best humour. |
| Doctor. | Ah! Ah! There you do see - I did say so; She has had this complaint - yes, she has had this complaint these three years - I do perceive dat[sic] - and she always be coughing. |
This last piece of presumption, in attempting to ascertain the precise time in which he supposed my wife to have been seized with these several chimerical disorders, operated too powerfully on my passions to admit my remaining any longer the auditor of such ridiculous conjectures; and therefore requested him (in order to maintain the deception) to give me a prescription, which he did. I then gave him half a guinea, for which he returned me a most servile, unmeaning cringe, with a God Almighty, he grant I may do your wife good, namely, the gelding.
Mr. Printer, That I may not engross too much of your paper by nay more particulars, I will conclude with only observing, how much it is to be regretted, that some method or other is not yet adopted, to suppress those daring adventurers in physic. Here is a man, who, unacquainted with the first principles of pharmacy, and an almost total stranger to the constitution of the human system, undertakes to cure disorders which never existed, and to ascertain complaints from a phial of liquid which never came from any of the human species. May every reader, Sir, reflect upon these plain, but, well-intended hints, and avoid hazarding those lives which may be essential to the well-being and happiness of numbers.
Aldgate. A.B.
| Source: |
British Library Newspaper Collection Colindale - Burney Collection
29 August 1776 (14,826) Page 2 Columns 2 and 3 |